Hotter than the summer sun

Summer is here again with its hot scorching sun, and the Gulmohar tree (Delonix regia) is even hotter with its cluster of exuberant flame-red / orange flowers. This flamboyant tree is quite a distraction from the heat and one of my favourites. There are plenty of these in the area we live in, and the red of the flowers against the sand-coloured houses forms a really nice contrast.

These trees bring back lots of childhood memories. Sheltering behind them for hide-and-seek , climbing their strong branches, collecting the fallen red flowers as specimens for Botany class when studying the parts of a flower, dismantling the buds to make nail extensions, the anthers in ‘lock fighting’, sometimes even tried eating some buds!!!

Nature sure has its way of surprising us with its beauty despite its harsh side …

Lessons from Mommyhood

Dipali tagged me to write about ‘what mommyhood has taught me’.

The tag:

It’s been a while since us Mommybloggers came up with something to celebrate, well, mommyhood, so the lovely Monika and I came up with this. A tag that has us list out five lessons of life that Mommyhood has taught us, these could be sweet, bitter, funny, touching, whatever. These could be survival tips or cooking tips, or something as simple as the best thing to get puke smell out of hair.

So, the rules are simple. Put the badge up. Write out five lessons that Mommyhood taught you. And tag five mommybloggers.

There are always lessons to be learnt from children, as Dipali says, right from a young age to when they’re older. I have two daughters a year apart (so after a year or so they became almost like twins but definitely required a lot of individual attention, to grow into their own independent selves quite soon). It was like two of the same some times, two quite different characters at others.

Now both full-time employed young ladies, in the specialist fields of Design Management and Supply Chain Management; this has itself widened my knowledge of these fields … we didn’t even know of these ‘disciplines’ in my time! It feels like a really long time ago that they were babies who needed to be fed, bathed, potty-trained and all that. Ever since then I’ve been learning through them!

I’ll try to put down five points that this experience (motherhood) taught me:-

(1) To be more responsible. I had motherly instincts much before I had kids of my own. I was very fond of children and having children of my own only fostered these instincts. When they were babies all their demands of feeding, nappy-changing, getting their inoculations on time, rushing them to the doctor at the first sign of illness, protecting them, helping to get their homework done, their extra-curricular activities, all were top priority and soon became an integral part of my life. There was no thinking twice. It was like disciplining oneself into a routine. Even now I worry if they have eaten, or are safe when they go out for late night parties. Though my husband says it’s high time I learn to treat them as adults, I would do any of these for them anytime even now.

(2) To be more sensitive not only to the demands of my own kids but to children from under-privileged backgrounds or differently-abled. My heart aches for parents who lose a child or have one suffering from an incurable illness. I feel satisfied when my kids emote the same way in such situations. Their manners and respect for elders in the family, especially the care and affection they show my mother, is true reward for me … a reassurance that at least in this there was no short-fall in their upbringing.

(3 ) I learnt how to swim thanks to the girls. I joined swimming classes with them and picked up some swimming techniques but the girls went far ahead very soon …. became national champions within 2-3 years. Their achievements made me proud and I admit that I basked in their glory and fame for a long time. Watched them and tried to improve my swimming skills. Another advantage of the competitions they participated in was I got to travel quite a lot … a Bharat Darshan, which otherwise would not have happened. Even a trip with the two of them to China!

(4) Learnt to be patient, especially in their tough training schedules. Also to listen to their demands without taking sides. Trying to be as fair as possible. Giving their individual personalities the necessary space.

(5) Never to judge other parents. All parents do their best for their children. Nobody is perfect: we apply different ways to handle different situations, it’s all situational. I have seen mothers do the stupidest things and could only hope that at some point the child’s greater wisdom would prevail! Some are blessed with less motherly attributes than others, but everyone is entitled to do things their own way, unless abusing or hurting the child.

I am generally happy with the outcome in my case and have learned to live life not just for myself. But at times I do have a secret desire to retire from mother-hood and do things just for myself for a change! But I know I can never stop being a mother, and motherhood is part of it.

And now to tag 5 mothers is very difficult, the few I’m in touch with don’t blog and a couple have already been tagged … I can think of only one just now who qualifies and will tag her:-

Tarannum who is a doting mother of two young boys and will surely have lots to share.

Innate Kindness

This incident remained with me for a long time, I’ve not forgotten it till now. I must have been seven or eight then, this happened in Bombay in my Nani’s house, where my 2 brothers and I would go from Delhi to spend our long summer vacations.

My Nani lived in a huge house with a most beautifully-designed garden with lots of coconut and other fruit trees and a huge variety of flowering plants. The house had a wooden main gate, with a smaller gate in-built for people to go in and out. As kids we hung out near the gate as there was a little ‘niche’ next to it, quite shady.

One late morning I was alone near the gate when a woman with a small child came begging. She looked very ragged, dirty and very harassed. The infant in her arms was even more pitiful and malnourished (this sight is still common at traffic signals in big Indian cities). Totally overwhelmed, I stared at her and her kid … then could not wait … had to do something, so I told the gardener who was around to give her some money but he refused saying that begging should not be encouraged. By then the woman was inside the gate, still begging. By now I had made up my mind to help this woman so I ran upstairs to my Nani and explained the woman’s plight. My Nani sensed my anxiety, and said instead of money we could find her some old clothes. I rummaged through her drawers to find some; I wanted the woman to wear these clothes but she was quite filthy and needed a wash. The gardener and I led her to the tap behind the house where she bathed and then bathed her child. The infant was soon crying .. he was hungry. Next was to organise some food .. As soon as the plate of rice and dal was placed in front of her she began eating hurriedly.

I can’t remember if she fed her child the food (or was he too young for anything but breast-feeding), but I do recall that after the kid was all clean and dressed-up, he ended up shitting in his clean clothes!

I watched the rest of this from the window upstairs as by then I wanted to move away, happy and satisfied but not wanting to face the woman. I remember both my grand-parents were very proud of me.

Now when I think back, some basics of life are being bathed, clothed and fed but this woman in my childhood needed more. It left me thinking .. Did her husband leave her? Did she have a home? Where would her next meal come from?

As I said, this incident remained with me for long afterwards (like forever!) as it was done on my own, without motive, totally spontaneously. This profound feeling was prompted by her pain, and totally selfless. All I knew that I had made this woman’s day, not expecting anything back in return.

Children are instinctively kind and compassionate, this does not need to be taught to them, they only need timely encouragement. Certainly parents and grand-parents lend their own influence initially, my grandmother was so constructive and supportive that I not only learnt a lot from that episode but we all felt so good after that.