Star Crossed....??

This has been a special month, astronomically speaking. First we had the partial lunar eclipse and then the next day the rare alignment of Venus (evening star) transiting across the sun, an occurrence that will not recur in this lifetime (for another 105 years, in 2117). Such celestial excitement happens but here on earth life moves on routinely!

I have just over a year left to complete six decades of my life. Lately I have been going through a lot of unsettling feelings. Need to do some introspection.  I wonder if I am experiencing something akin to a ‘midlife’ crisis … but it’s well beyond my mid-life, so a bit late in the day?!

I gave up my career many years ago and have been a stay-at-home mom.  My marriage has been good, my health has been good (despite my major surgeries, a second life one may say).  My relationships with people is good. Why then this sudden unsettling feeling. It is not a sudden realisation that one is ageing, neither the fear of mortality, though of course one knows that time is slipping away.

There have been times of major financial fluctuations, shift in careers, shift in homes from city to city and even countries, but one always felt that this one may be the last, or just consoled oneself that all that’s happening is for the better or for self-betterment. I never had too many expectations from life and lived each day as it came. Here I must say my husband has been most supportive without whom I would be totally lost.

IS and I have spent 30 good years together and worked together to build a certain foundation on which we stand today ... but why does it suddenly feel shaky. To start doubting decisions one took, feel discontent with the life-style one is leading, uncertain about one’s true worth.

Such "crisis', if it can be likened to the cliched term, is quite unsettling.  Age is advancing.  Well, at least I can say that one has still not lost that mental sanity, and feel that cognitively one is capable of handling this even though energy levels have depleted significantly. “Seen that, done that” should make one more experienced if not wiser, if I may put it that way.

Mostly I try to focus on the good things life has given me, and am deeply grateful to the Almighty.

I have been reflecting deeply, and after some thought, jotted down a few points (not in any particular order), a gist of how one’s attitude to life needs to be, just to console myself or maybe to tide me over through this phase –

- to be patient, not impulsive, avoid rash decisions.

- to accept the truth however difficult or harsh it is.

- to enjoy the gifts of life, bond with nature, watch the birds, hear them sing,
  be amongst greenery.

- to watch and hear children play.

- to spend time with loved ones and enjoy the comfort they provide.

- to get more spiritually inclined.

- to be positive, try and make the right choices.

- to take care of one’s health, and try to keep fit.

Some of these may be easier said than done. Change is inevitable. Different phases of life bring about changes, maybe not universally but at different times in different people's worlds.  For some people an unexpected mid-life crisis, a time to unravel, for others a transition when well-set in their fifties and beyond, a beginning of another set of events.

Do such situations and feelings hit everyone at some stage?  I am not sure but I think I feel a little lighter writing about it, and will definitely keep making an effort towards a calmer future!