2013

Welcome to the year 2013

Like each year this year is 

A year of new beginnings.

But this year we leave Dubai,

Loved ones and family,

For whom my heart sadly aches.

Not moving from old to new

But to grounds familiar

And renew old connections.

The year that is over

Now the past.

grief and happiness both a part.

Weddings, a funeral,

All part of the game.

The young life we lost

Saddened us indeed

But we must pray and move on.

May his soul Rest In Peace.

The young bride 

Bless her with happiness

For not just this year but many more.

I thank kindly for

What fate may bestow

Guide us through the life path

To which we are new.

I wanted to do a round-up of 2012, started but found the process exhausting and finally thought it is better to just wave it goodbye and carry on. Would it be of interest to read anyway? Some are but I was not sure mine would be.

2012 was full and exciting, sometimes generous, sometimes traumatic and depressing. A whirl of activity towards the year-end mainly revolving round shifting homes.

I have entered this year relatively happy. But over two months have passed since the year began (and my last post) and I am determined to revive my almost dying blog! To resurrect it ..... I write.

Magic of Rain

 Floor after the rain....... looks polished

Bird bath ready

Drenched magenta leaves

How long can we hold the water

Longing for some Sun

White washed

The water droplet I always wanted to capture

    Rain does create  some magical moments. Here are few I captured.
    These are some shots I took in Delhi last July during the rainy season .
    Last weekend it rained here in Dubai and I was reminded of the Rainy Season in
    India.
   

Turkish Blue

Coming in to land in Antalya my heart fluttered like a kid’s, my face pressed against the small aircraft window, looking down on the hilly terrain tapering down to water bodies and greenery, with the Mediterranean in the distance.  The whole picture had a blue tinge to it.

As we arrived at our hotel in Antalya, Turkey, for my niece’s wedding celebrations, the hotel room had an amazing view.  Of the gigantic blue-tiled swimming pool and the blue sea behind.                                                                           

During this trip to Turkey I realized that the word turquoise was originally old French for 'Turkish', and here in Antalya and Istanbul I experienced the colour Turquoise Blue like never before.  There were so many shades of this unusual and seductive blue, a hint of Prussian blue sometime green and sometimes seeming grey yet with a hint of blue.

The colour dominates the ceramics and the mosaics.  From the tiles in the Blue Mosque to tiles in some small restaurants in the Grand Bazaar.  The sky-line with the cascading domes of the mosques and the blue waters of the Bosphorus and Sea of Marmara behind.

The blue in the many eyes staring into our faces, yes the many shapes and sizes of the evil eye (‘Nazar’) charms whose predominant colour is blue.

This colour was everywhere, limitless. Refreshing like a breathe of fresh air. 

                                                                                   

 I bought a blue umbrella resembling the tiles in the mosque, while the girls picked up “evil eye’  bracelets , momentos of this unforgettable trip to Turkey.

 

Breaking the Silence

My nephew ended his life on August 6.

He was 25 years old, a victim of depression.  Athletic, full of life, suave. Tall, lanky, generally quiet, his laughter was a pleasure to watch and hear. He was generous and loved animals.

There are any number of queries about such poorly-understood, shocking deaths. We have been plaguing ourselves with the whys and what-ifs and looking around us and at ourselves to make sense of what happened.  We all go through depression to some extent but when it becomes terminal it is difficult to explain, if not in fact quite incomprehensible.

It is totally heartbreaking for the parents and siblings (in this case his twin brother), and even for extended family and friends.  It thoroughly saddened people who are not directly connected or know him. To quote my friend Dipali who wrote this tribute for Humair.

The mental anguish he must have gone through that drove him to such a devastating, decisive final action will always be a mystery.  And a source of everlasting regret and sorrow for all of us.

May his soul rest in peace, and may God give his parents and brother the courage and strength to carry on after this most unkindest cut of all.

Star Crossed....??

This has been a special month, astronomically speaking. First we had the partial lunar eclipse and then the next day the rare alignment of Venus (evening star) transiting across the sun, an occurrence that will not recur in this lifetime (for another 105 years, in 2117). Such celestial excitement happens but here on earth life moves on routinely!

I have just over a year left to complete six decades of my life. Lately I have been going through a lot of unsettling feelings. Need to do some introspection.  I wonder if I am experiencing something akin to a ‘midlife’ crisis … but it’s well beyond my mid-life, so a bit late in the day?!

I gave up my career many years ago and have been a stay-at-home mom.  My marriage has been good, my health has been good (despite my major surgeries, a second life one may say).  My relationships with people is good. Why then this sudden unsettling feeling. It is not a sudden realisation that one is ageing, neither the fear of mortality, though of course one knows that time is slipping away.

There have been times of major financial fluctuations, shift in careers, shift in homes from city to city and even countries, but one always felt that this one may be the last, or just consoled oneself that all that’s happening is for the better or for self-betterment. I never had too many expectations from life and lived each day as it came. Here I must say my husband has been most supportive without whom I would be totally lost.

IS and I have spent 30 good years together and worked together to build a certain foundation on which we stand today ... but why does it suddenly feel shaky. To start doubting decisions one took, feel discontent with the life-style one is leading, uncertain about one’s true worth.

Such "crisis', if it can be likened to the cliched term, is quite unsettling.  Age is advancing.  Well, at least I can say that one has still not lost that mental sanity, and feel that cognitively one is capable of handling this even though energy levels have depleted significantly. “Seen that, done that” should make one more experienced if not wiser, if I may put it that way.

Mostly I try to focus on the good things life has given me, and am deeply grateful to the Almighty.

I have been reflecting deeply, and after some thought, jotted down a few points (not in any particular order), a gist of how one’s attitude to life needs to be, just to console myself or maybe to tide me over through this phase –

- to be patient, not impulsive, avoid rash decisions.

- to accept the truth however difficult or harsh it is.

- to enjoy the gifts of life, bond with nature, watch the birds, hear them sing,
  be amongst greenery.

- to watch and hear children play.

- to spend time with loved ones and enjoy the comfort they provide.

- to get more spiritually inclined.

- to be positive, try and make the right choices.

- to take care of one’s health, and try to keep fit.

Some of these may be easier said than done. Change is inevitable. Different phases of life bring about changes, maybe not universally but at different times in different people's worlds.  For some people an unexpected mid-life crisis, a time to unravel, for others a transition when well-set in their fifties and beyond, a beginning of another set of events.

Do such situations and feelings hit everyone at some stage?  I am not sure but I think I feel a little lighter writing about it, and will definitely keep making an effort towards a calmer future!